The pain of secondary Infertility is something that’s crept up on me. We had years of trying for Finn & I had a few miscarriages so was in a quite dark place and thought when I had Finn it was all behind me. Without sounding flippant I was in a newborn bubble so it’s just not something I thought about until he was a few years old. During my c -section I had to have one of my tubes cauterised due to burst cysts but I didn’t really even give this a second thought as I was too engrossed in my new born. Now the time has come I’m starting to wonder what effect this will have along with my existing PCOS.
Recently (well the past 9 months or so) we’ve been thinking about a second baby and have gone with the whole ‘we’re not trying we’re just seeing what happens’ approach at first. I suppose it’s inevitable though that it soon becomes all consuming. All the sadness of first time round has come rushing back and I find myself endlessly on conception forums and doing my BBT before I’ve even opened my eyes in the morning (if you’ve been on the rollercoaster you’ll know.
I know we’re really lucky as I’ve friends struggling to conceive their first child so I know just how lucky we are to have Finn this time round. Despite this It just doesn’t stop the pain though and it’s the whole thought of not giving Finn a sibling which is hard, it’s such a special bond and I’d love Finn to experience it. I’ve had all the heartless comments as well from ‘You can’t let him be an only child it’s selfish’, ‘he’s started pre school now don’t you think it’s time you had another’, ‘ are you not getting on with another yet’ to the most annoying ‘just relax it will happen’ yeah okay you put yourself in my shoes and relax.
I’m also really conscious this time around that I want to be really positive for Finn, last time I could wallow a bit in self pity but it’s harder to take time out now. For now though I’m putting my positive head on and awaiting a referral to hospital, I’ll keep you updated on that whole process. I know this is really garbled and rambly but I wanted to get it all down. I wish I would have wrote about it first time round and I hope this will not only help someone else but help me to get all my thoughts out and in one place.
I’d love to hear from anyone with fertility issues whether first, second or more times round as I really do think as a society we should be a lot more open about it.