The TWW when trying to conceive

The TWW when trying to conceive

Some of you maybe looking at the acronym TWW wondering what on earth I’m going on about. Those of you who have been on the whole trying to Trying to Conceive (TTC) rollercoaster will probably know that I mean the two week wait. The two weeks from Ovulation to your period due date. I’m sure I’m not alone in being drove absolutely mad in this time and feeling every single symptom possible. We are about 10 months into trying to conceive this time around and it was about 3 years with Finn so I’m experienced with the TWW.

I honestly drive myself absolutely mad every month, feel slightly sick that’s it I’m pregnant. My boobs are sore, definitely having a baby (lets all ignore the fact I’m poking them a million times a day to see if they are sore). Feeling tired, better get that Mothercare shop in. I joke because that’s my way, stiff upper lip and all that, but the pain is real. Each month seems like a little reminder of the agony & when my period does arrive it often brings a few dark days for me. I do try to be a positive person generally but it can be so tough when something is out of your control. Let’s not even start on the tests, your a true member of the TWW club when you know internet cheapies ( 15 for £3.50 off Amazon anyone?) are you new best friend. I have to ban myself nowadays as that one little line can set me on a downward spiral.

I’ve developed a few self care mechanisms now to help myself through the TWW and when my period arrives. I really think having these in place can help your state of mind. There’s the obvious usual ones; a nice bath & pamper, an early night with my book., going for a run/walk. Or I even sometimes manage to plan a nice Meal with a Few gins out or at home. Might as well make the most of the gin while I can hey. Also never discount the cathartic effect of a good cry & a rant. It’s a proper rubbish situation and letting it all out is healthy. I try my hardest to be strong for Finn but I’m human so there’s nothing wrong with a good old moan.

Does anyone else suffer during the TWW what are your coping mechanisms? I’d love to hear some.

First Doctors appointment for Secondary infertility

First Doctors appointment for Secondary infertility

I’ve recently had my GP appointment to see about getting referred to the fertility department at the hospital. I also wanted to ask about what happened during my c-section as I was told one of my fallopian tubes got cauterised due to a burst cysts. Obviously I wasn’t really ready to take it all in post birth so I’m not exactly sure what happened. My GP said she couldn’t see anything on my notes about this so she will write to the hospital.

She said my symptoms definitely sound like PCOS (irregular, heavy painful periods, facial hair etc..) I already knew I had this as I was diagnosed about 10 years ago but my symptoms do seem to be a lot worse lately. My GP said you can actually go through cycles of it being worse then better which I didn’t really know before.

One symptom of PCOS is that you may not ovulate every cycle so I am going to do Ovulation kits & BBT ( basal body temperature) to pin point ovulation. For those who don’t know BBT is where you take your temperature every morning before you even sit up. A surge of at least 0.3 degrees for at least 3 days means you’ve ovulated. I use an app called glow so I can track my cycles.

My GP also recommended I loose weight, this will help with my PCOS symptoms & help me to conceive. I’ve started a healthy eating plan to help me.

The outcome isn’t really what I wanted in the sense that I’ve not been referred to fertility but I am having an ultrasound to check for cysts etc.. she has then said we can take it from there, hopefully then we can get answers.

I’d love to hear from any of you with PCOS and what you found helped with your symptoms?

Amsterdam in 28 hours

Amsterdam in 28 hours

I love Amsterdam and have just returned from my fourth visit to the city! It’s got such a chilled out vibe & it’s so pretty. I think I could go over & over again and never get bored. This time I went for one night which I have done previously, I don’t mind this because the flight is so short but if it’s your first visit you might be better doing 2 or more nights.

We landed at about 9.30 am and flew back out at 6pm so we had time each day to explore. I always get the train from Schiphol to Centraal which takes about 25 minutes and is around €5 single. There’s ticket machines near entrances to the platforms.

We stayed at ClinkNOORD hostel which is in a fab location, you get a free ferry from just outside central which only takes a few minutes. The ferry runs 24 hours a day every 5 minutes or so. This is my second time staying here and I’ve always booked a private room with bathroom. I think for location, price & cleanliness you can’t beat it. I was put of a hostel at first but you barely spend any time in the room & I’d definitely look at staying in more with a private room.

I love walking around the Jordaan, the canals are beautiful & there’s some lovely bars & shops. It’s a lot more peaceful than other areas so I’d definitely recommend a wander round here.

We then did a boat tour with Friendship Amsterdam, I’ve done tours with them twice before and have always really enjoyed it. It’s €15 for an hour canal cruise and the staff are really knowledgeable & friendly. You can get drinks onboard and it was perfect having a local Gin on a sunny day.

After the boat we headed to The Museum of Prostitution, Red Light Secrets. It was fascinating to hear the story from the point o view of a prostitute , and what it’s like to Work in the red light district. Definitely an eye opener and worth a visit.

Before we headed home the next day we went for Brunch at Bakers & Roasters, not far from the Heineken experience. The food is amazing here & all the staff are really friendly. It just has a lovely vibe to it. I had the Huevos Ranchos & a mimosa. I also had a coffee which was really good. I like strong coffee & it definitely is here. Well worth a visit.

I’d love to hear your favourite places to visit in Amsterdam as I’ll definitely be going back again.

Secondary Infertility

Secondary Infertility

The pain of secondary Infertility is something that’s crept up on me. We had years of trying for Finn & I had a few miscarriages so was in a quite dark place and thought when I had Finn it was all behind me. Without sounding flippant I was in a newborn bubble so it’s just not something I thought about until he was a few years old. During my c -section I had to have one of my tubes cauterised due to burst cysts but I didn’t really even give this a second thought as I was too engrossed in my new born. Now the time has come I’m starting to wonder what effect this will have along with my existing PCOS.

Recently (well the past 9 months or so) we’ve been thinking about a second baby and have gone with the whole ‘we’re not trying we’re just seeing what happens’ approach at first. I suppose it’s inevitable though that it soon becomes all consuming. All the sadness of first time round has come rushing back and I find myself endlessly on conception forums and doing my BBT before I’ve even opened my eyes in the morning (if you’ve been on the rollercoaster you’ll know.

I know we’re really lucky as I’ve friends struggling to conceive their first child so I know just how lucky we are to have Finn this time round. Despite this It just doesn’t stop the pain though and it’s the whole thought of not giving Finn a sibling which is hard, it’s such a special bond and I’d love Finn to experience it. I’ve had all the heartless comments as well from ‘You can’t let him be an only child it’s selfish’, ‘he’s started pre school now don’t you think it’s time you had another’, ‘ are you not getting on with another yet’ to the most annoying ‘just relax it will happen’ yeah okay you put yourself in my shoes and relax.

I’m also really conscious this time around that I want to be really positive for Finn, last time I could wallow a bit in self pity but it’s harder to take time out now. For now though I’m putting my positive head on and awaiting a referral to hospital, I’ll keep you updated on that whole process. I know this is really garbled and rambly but I wanted to get it all down. I wish I would have wrote about it first time round and I hope this will not only help someone else but help me to get all my thoughts out and in one place.

I’d love to hear from anyone with fertility issues whether first, second or more times round as I really do think as a society we should be a lot more open about it.

52 Books in 52 Weeks Challenge

52 Books in 52 Weeks Challenge

Before I had Finn I used to be a real bookworm, I’ve managed to read 10 books on a 1 week holiday before now. I even queued at midnight on the nights a new Harry Potter book came out. A combination of being a busy working mum & a social media addict though has meant that I barely make time for reading anymore, so this new year I set myself the target completing the 52 books in 52 weeks challenge to hopefully find my love for reading again. I’m currently reading book 16, so I’ll talk you through the ones I’ve read this year.

Currently Reading

‘The Power’ Naomi Alderman

This has been described as a cross between The Handmaid’s Tale & The Hunger Games so I’m really looking forward to getting stuck into this.

Read

‘The Life Changing Magic of not Giving a F*ck’ Sarah Knight

I really enjoyed some elements of this book and will definitely be taking on board not worrying so much and deciding what’s important. I think it’s a book you dip in and out of rather than get really stuck into.

‘The Goddess Revolution’ Mel Wells

I really enjoyed this book & it’s a refreshing approach to always being on a diet & tied to the scales. I loved Mel’s honesty about her own struggles with her weight, body image & mental health.

The Other Child’ Lucy Atkins

This was a bit of a mixed one for me, really gripping in parts & a bit slow in others. There was a lot of unanswered questions. I wouldn’t really rush to recommend this one.

Baby Doll’ Hollie Overton

This was quite a gripping read and a good book for holiday when you’ve got time to read it quickly. I really loved Room by Emma Donoghue and this reminds me a bit of that.

‘While My Eyes were Closed’ Linda Green

I really enjoyed this thriller, you are kept guessing throughout. Lisa closes her eyes while playing hide & seek with her daughter. When she opens her eyes she finds her daughter gone, it’s really gripping and I wanted to keep reading to find out what happens.

‘How to Stop Time’ Matt Haig

I absolutely loved this book, so beautifully written, I fell in love with a lot of the characters. Matt Haig is brilliant writer who links the whole story so cleverly. I’ll definitely be reading some more of his books.

‘The Rules Do Not Apply’ Ariel Levy

I started reading this on the plane on the way home from holiday and really got into it, but then was a bit slow to finish it when I got home. I enjoyed her story & writing style but just felt like she jumped from different aspects of her life for me. Still worth a read but not my favourite.

‘ The Keeper of Lost Things’ Ruth Hogan

I really enjoyed this book, the relationships & friendships that develop are lovely and it’s a heartwarming story. I did find the whole twist to it a bit strange though.

‘ Mum Face Grace: The memoir of a woman who Gained a baby and lost her Sh*t’ Grace Timothy. I loved this book it was the perfect mix of funny & serious. It was like having a chat with a mum friend you can be perfectly honest with, all the things new mums are scared to admit.

Kevin & Sadie series Joan Lingard this series consists of 5 books The Twelfth Day of July, Across the Baricades, Into Exhile, A proper Place, Hostages to Fortune. I loved these books and read them all over a few days. We were in Belfast when I started reading them and wanted to learn more about The troubles. These books are all about Sadie a Protestant & Kevin a catholic and the difficulties they face trying to have a relationship in the North of Ireland.

‘Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine’ Gail Honeyman

This is a beautiful book & one that will stay with you for a long time. It really brings home to you the importance of kindness & compassion, Eleanor is a character I think we can all relate to in some ways.

‘The Trap’ Kimberley Chambers

This was a really easy but gripping read, based on 2 brothers in the East of London in the 60’s & 70’s who run a gang. I’ll probably read the rest in the series.

Our April

Our April

I’ve recently seen a few people do the month in review Blog Posts and I love the idea. It’s so nice to have a record & see all the things you have got up to. All the little days out get forgotten so it’s lovely to look back on.

We started the month with Easter Sunday, we had dinner at my Mum & Dad’s and a park trip to burn off the millions of eggs Finn had ate.

We then had an amazing swimming lesson from Finn, which was a big turning point. He was really nervous and held onto his teacher when he first started but this was the point he slowly began to make progress and gain confidence m.

We had a trip to Bents Garden Centre in Warrington which Finn loved, there’s a fab park & a lovely cafe.

I then ended up in hospital for 2 nights with tonsillitis, I think though I was really run down. I’d been working loads & doing a lot of late nights & early starts. Luckily a few days later we went on our Amazing holiday to Costa Teguise in Lanzarote. We stayed at the HD Beach resort which you can read about here.

When we come home we met my Mum & Dad in Chorlton & went for food & a play in the park.

Another day another park visit, followed by Finn’s favourite coffee & cake.

We went to Messy Mallie’s which is about 20 minutes away from us in Buckley. It was brilliant and Finn loved painting his own money box.

After the Easter holidays we were entitled to more hours at nursery. I was sad in one way as Finn stared doing more days so we lost a day in the week together. It’s meant though that I’ve gone from doing 4/5 late nights a week to 1/2. I’ve loved the little things like us having tea together as a family & doing bath, story & bed time.

Finn’s first go at Crazy Golf, followed by a Wagamama’s.

A visit to Little Al’s Urban farm in Eastham. We love it here.

Yet more amazing swimming from Finn, he’s managing to swim now with just the woggle & not holding on to his teacher.

Finally a zoo trip, we are members of Chester Zoo so we go all the time. This time Finn played in the sand & water for over an hour.